"I'LL HAVE A SHOT OF PATRON... HE'LL HAVE THE VAGINA"

OK... THAT SUBJECT LINE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS POST. WELL, MAYBE A LITTLE ACTUALLY. BUT WE'LL SAVE THAT FOR ANOTHER DAY...

THIS PAST WEEKEND I WAS IN WEST PALM BEACH PLAYING A GUEST SET AT RUMBASS NIGHT CLUB... LIL JAY USED TO SPIN THIS CLUB (IN THE LATIN ROOM OF COURSE) BACK IN THE DAY SO HE HOOKED THIS UP... BIG SHOUT OUTS TO THE LUNCH... NOW I DON'T KNOW IF ITS THE COINCIDENCE THAT LIL JAY IS A BIG BOY TOO, BUT THIS CLUB HAD THE HIGHEST DENSITY OF BIG GIRLS I'VE EVER SEEN... NOT SAYING THAT IT'S A BAD THING... BIG GIRLS NEED LOVE TOO... IT JUST REALLY MADE IT SEEM LIKE A LOT OF GIRLS IN WEST PALM EAT BURRITOS WITH A SIDE OF LARD FOR BREAKFAST EVERY MORNING LIKE A TRADITION... I'M NOT SAYING ALL THE GIRLS WERE LIKE THIS, BUT "A LOT"... HOWEVER, THERE WERE SOME 15's OUTTA 10's THERE AS WELL SO THAT EVENED IT OUT... OF COURSE THEY WERE ALL HANGING AROUND DJ R1, BUT THAT DIDN'T MATTER. I STILL HAD FUN. THE PEOPLE LIKED WHAT I DID SO THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERED... BIG SHOUT OUTS TO DJ R-1 FOR TAKING CARE OF AN ASIAN.

I HEARD THAT FUEGO OPENED LATE THIS PAST SATURDAY BACK HOME IN TAMPA... THANKS TO ALL THOSE WHO MADE IT OUT... YOU'RE A TROOPER IN MY EYES. I COULD BE COMPLETELY WRONG, BUT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE, I HEARD SOMEONE WAS RAN OVER BY A CAR OUT IN FRONT OF THE CLUB BEFORE THE NIGHT EVEN STARTED... THE LIKELINESS OF THAT HAPPENING ARE SLIM TO NONE, BUT APPARENTLY, WE'RE THAT "SLIM" PART... COPS HAD THE WHOLE ROAD CUT OFF TIL ABOUT MIDNIGHT... SO TO EVERYONE THAT WAITED THROUGH THAT TRAFFIC AND MADE IT TO THE CLUB, I SALUTE YOU.

AND ANOTHER THING... I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE SAY "THOUGH THE GRAPEVINE"... WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? WHO STARTED THAT CRAP? IS THERE REALLY A FUCKING FRUIT PLANT THAT WALKS AROUND SPREADING GOSSIP? THAT WOULD TERRIFYING TO SEE.

AND WHILE I'M ON THIS RANT ABOUT THINGS I HATE... YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I HATE? BATHROOM ATTENDANTS... THEY MAKE YOU SO UNCOMFORTABLE AT TIMES... LIKE YOU HAVE TO TIP THEM OTHERWISE YOU CAN'T WASH YOUR HANDS OR SOME SHIT... I'M ALL FOR MAKING MONEY AND HUSTLING TO GET IT BUT THERE ARE JUST SOME JOBS THAT ARE SIMPLY UNNEEDED. 

"OH HEY THERE BATHROOM ATTENDANT. YEA, I'M JUST GONNA USE THE URINAL... I CAN FLUSH IT MYSELF, THANKS. I CAN TURN ON THE FAUCET TOO. JUST GONNA WASH MY HANDS! YEP, I'M ALREADY PUMPING THE SOAP. UH, THANKS FOR THE PAPER TOWEL. YOU DIDN'T MISS ANYTHING... HUH? WHAT'S THAT? DO I WANT A MINT? NO I'M GOOD... AND NO I DON'T WANT ANY COLOGNE. LISTEN, I'M JUST GONNA GO BACK OUT THERE AND HOLD MY DRINK UNTIL MY BLADDER BURSTS SO I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS AGAIN... BUT HERE'S A COUPLE BUCKS ANYWAYS... THANKS. HAVE A GOOD NIGHT."

I VOTE TO RID THE WORLD OF THESE TOILET TROLLS.

SEE EVERYONE AT AJA THIS WEDNESDAY... AND HOPEFULLY AT AUTOMATIC SLIMS IN MIAMI ON THURSDAY FOR WINTER MUSIC CONFERENCE 2009...